Staying in Shape for Less

Fitness is important to a lot of college students. It’s not important to me, alas. I’m content to eat ice cream, sit on my bed writing papers on my laptop without getting up except to get more chocolate syrup. I’m trying to be less of a lazybones with a little workout routine.

Whenever I get a new hobby, the first thing I want to do is rush right out and buy new toys for it. I want to get in shape, so I want to buy a set of free weights, a yoga mat, fitness DVDs, and the same $50 shorts that all the pretty girls in the rec center are wearing. I’m taking a few steps to fight these silly (and expensive) wants:

1. Buying one little thing first.Running shoes are the most important part of my workout gear. Even if I couldn’t afford anything else, having running shoes allows me to have a full, healthy workout. Mine were $60 from a discount shoe store. They’re a brand name that’s proven reliable, but are still affordable. By allowing myself this worthwhile purchase, I can put off making less worthy purchases that I will regret later.

2. Scavenging. Get whatever you can for free. You don’t need $100 fitness DVDs; look online for workout programs. (Be wary of diet programs, though.) I got some really nice workout shorts when my roommate left them in the apartment after she moved out. Free t-shirts abound on college campuses. See what kind of sports equipment your friends already have, like Frisbees, basketballs, etc. Go play with them!

3. Digging through the closet. You may find something you didn’t know you owned, like sports equipment or clothing. Towels double as mats. Mirrors double as “before” pictures. Keep reminding yourself that you want to actually look and feel better, not convince other people that you’re fit. That will keep you from buying junk.

4. Working out at home. I hate gyms. I hate people looking at me, or having the opportunity to look at me. I am scrawny and can’t run a mile, and I don’t want anyone else knowing. I would never, ever join a gym. That’s definitely a money-saver. If you’re a student and have free or reduced gym/rec center privileges, you can use their equipment. Beware of shorts envy: your own shorts are fine. No, you don’t look stupid.

5. Getting a buddy. I’m still working on this one. If you do have to pay for a gym membership, having a buddy to go with will motivate you (via guilt) to stick to your plan. It’s also much more fun to run when you have someone to talk to. If your schedules conflict, try this game: each person puts $5 into a pot, and the people who complete the required number of workouts every week for six weeks get to split the pot.

Now go work out, lazy!

Winning the Lottery, etc.

Now that I’m out of my slump, I wanna dish about the new contest happening at my local grocery store chain. Here’s how it works: you buy groceries, they give you game cards, and the game cards win you more game cards. And money, hopefully.

I’m thoroughly and irrationally excited about this game because 1) I don’t have to buy anything to get started and 2) I don’t have to buy anything to keep playing. Let me give you an example. Monday, I bought my usual $20 worth of groceries for the week. Each shopper earns one game card per visit, plus additional game cards for specially tagged items. I didn’t buy anything out of the ordinary to earn the extra game cards. (Except a Hershey bar, which was delicious.) I earned 5 game cards.

Then, I glued the cards into my game booklet (it looks kinda like the Monopoly game McDonald’s used to do) and looked up my codes on the interweb. Through the codes, I won 4 more game cards. I glued those into the booklet, looked up my codes again, and won 4 more game cards. Repeat, and I won 6 more. Thus, a $1.20 Hershey bar earned me 19 game cards and counting. Way better odds than the lotto, too.

When You Should Enter a Contest

This game might not pay off at all. Instead, I may spend lots of time gluing game cards into my book, obsessing about the $64,ooo I need for grad school and my 1-in-21,000,000 chance of winning it. Still, I think this one’s worth it. Here are some criteria for determining which contests are worth entering:

1. It doesn’t cost any money that you wouldn’t already spend. Be honest with yourself about what you would actually spend. The reason companies hold contests is to earn money for themselves.
2. It doesn’t cost any money to keep playing. Don’t get so caught up in the game that you lose sight of your wallet. Be paranoid and remember that the company is out to get you(r money).
3. It doesn’t take up all your time. Time spent on the contest could also be spent earning money elsewhere or on leisure. If you really enjoy the contest, consider it leisure time. This rule also applies to writing scholarship essays; sure, I would write an essay for $1,000, but I wouldn’t write ten for $50.
4. The rules are clearly posted and you understand them. Beware of scams. Any contest that wants your money or a lot of personal information is questionable. Know the odds of winning.
5. The contest requires little of you. I remember a girl in high school who thought she’d win a $15,000 scholarship for a short story, if only she could travel to the awards ceremony in Virginia or somewhere. The cost of attending the awards ceremony was $2,000. Hmm. Scam alert! A contest should not require you to travel somewhere or agree to let them use your likeness, name, words, etc. if you should win.

I hope you find that useful. I hate to see people spend their money on the lottery, but this seems like a good alternative.

How to Avoid Poverty

You need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty—finish high school, marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor.

—William Galston, Clinton White House

1.  Finish high school – check.
2.  Marry before having a child – so far so good.
3.  Marry after the age of 20 – check.

(I’m doing pretty well.)  I was thinking about what these three things have in common, or what could cause statistics like this. I thought at first that poverty could cause you to drop out of high school, and then that’s a kind of vicious cycle: can’t go to school, gotta work; can’t make enough money, gotta go to school; repeat. Being uneducated (or abstinance-only educated) could mean that you have a child before marrying. But marrying before 20? What could cause that?

What they have in common is that completing any of those three tasks takes patience. When you’re a sixteen-year-old girl, it’s pretty tempting to just elope with Mr. High School Sweetheart. Especially if he’s fooled you into thinking that condoms decrease sensitivity and now you’re pregnant. It doesn’t feel like the end of the world; it feels like the rest of your life, happily ever after.

And we all know that there were plenty of classes in high school that were meaningless and painfully dull. When you’re surging with teenage angst and naïve optimism, you want to get out and conquer the world. You want to stand up and stick it to the man! To hell with finishing high school, you can make it alone! (You and the Mr, of course.)

To me, the obvious connection is that people without high school diploma earn less money, that having kids is expensive, and that marrying early can lead to divorce, which in turn can lead to poverty. The non-obvious connection is that these tasks take patience, and so does money management. Making a budget is boring, but you do it anyway. Not going out to eat, going out to drinks, buying that trinket you want, or living in a nice place is boring. People who manage their money well do it anyway.

That’s what money management is about: making smart, boring decisions. Doing smart, boring things with our time. Being patient, thinking ahead, and trying to act wisely.

People who manage their money like you and me, we don’t go out and buy things. Instead, we get on the Internet and brag about not doing it.

I Take That Back

I take back what I said yesterday about my goals making me happier. Following your goals is torturous. It’s hard, you’re afraid of failure, you’re even more afraid of public failure. This is why countless writers advise wannabes not to tell people that they write until they’ve been published — it’s embarassing when it doesn’t work out. That’s why I’m afraid to tell people I’m in a relationship, or what my major is, or why I’m going to grad school. I’m deathly afraid that I won’t live up to my dreams.

We can’t live up to them all, of course. Over the course of my life, I’ve wanted to:

1. learn to play guitar
2. own a record store
3. go to law school
4. go to school in Canada
5. learn several languages (Polish and Turkish come to mind)
6. get married to certain boys
7. make and sell stuff (jewelry, I think it was)
8. become a poet
9. become a fantasy writer (ew)
10. learn to make clothes

And I’ve never done those things. Neither do I particularly want to do those things anymore. (Of course I want to learn several languages, but not Polish specifically. I’ve failed at a lot of languages. Learning Thai now, sort of.) I failed. I am ashamed to admit that I ever wanted to do those things.

For the sake of finishing this blog post, I’d like to put a positive spin on this. Something like: it’s hard, but so worth it in the end. But sometimes it isn’t. See above list. I’d say instead: it’s hard, and it might be worth it, but that’s life. Suck it up.

I mean this in the nicest way: suck it up. Keep on keepin’ on. C’est la vie.

Cheer Up, Self, and Get Some Work Done

What a lonely day. I’ve been avoiding looking at grad schools because it depresses the hell out of me. I did, however, send my transcript to the school I’m applying to and make an appointment with my professor (the one who hates me) to discuss my writing sample. Not that I need it anymore.

I’m having trouble getting motivated to look into schools or careers. As much as I love academia, another four years of it is going to be hard. I feel overwhelmed. I also feel incompetent and poor. Today’s not my day.

On the other hand, looking at my summer projects is cheering me up a bit. I vowed to read 14 books (linguistics textbooks and the Dune series), write 45 blog posts, 100 pages of fiction, study for and pass my second teacher test (I aced the first one, by the way), and drive to Memphis with the SO. I’ve already finished one of the books, so…go me! They’re hella interesting. My little goals make me happy. I’d rather do them than flip burgers.

Really Hilarious Free Entertainment

I love the Internet. So many weird things people do, so little time to laugh at them.

This woman followed every single piece of advice Oprah gave out for a full year. Please, click on this link and read every blog entry. That’s what I spent my day doing. (Mock away.)

How to Negotiate a Better Grade

Ah, the end of the semester. How good it feels to be done! I don’t know yet what my grades are, but you might. And you might not be happy about it.

You’ve got a reason to be unhappy, too. There is a conspiracy against you.At the end of every semester, the professors and TAs get together in their favorite dreary cave, stir a steaming cauldron of the bitterest brew, and cackle together about the C they’re going to give you for your term paper. If you feel like fighting it, here’s some ideas.

Figure Out What Went Wrong

First, you should assess the problem. Did you:

•  miss class? Tell your instructor why you missed. Gather up doctors’ notes or whatever proof you can find that you didn’t miss because of a hangover.
• do poorly on a test? Write out the reasons why you did poorly. If it was an early test, be able to show your instructor that you made progress after your poor grade. If you have test anxiety or a documented disability that hurt your performance, gather your proof.
• write a sub-par paper? Think about why you didn’t do well. Did you address the topic exactly as asked? Did you use enough (and the right kind of) research? If you can make changes that show you’ve really learned the material, make them and print out the paper.

Whatever the problem is, gather your evidence that you know the material. You’re going to meet with your instructor to make your case. Consider their office a courtroom. Bring solid proof.

Determine What Your Grade Actually Is

Check the syllabus to see exactly what your grade will be. Look at your grades from each quiz, test, project, and paper. Find out exactly how much each is worth, and calculate. If your instructor took attendance, find out how many points you’ve lost for missing classes.

The reason you do this is that it’s further evidence in your case. If most of your points were lost on the first test or because you had the flu, you have a stronger argument.

Make an Appointment

E-mail or call your instructor to find a good time to meet with them. Remember that it’s a busy time for them, and be courteous. Tell your instructor that you’d like to sit down and discuss your grade and how you can improve and/or prove to them that you’ve learned the material.

• Avoid saying or even hinting that the problem was not your fault.
• Avoid seeming lazy. Your instructor hears lazy people ask for good grades all the time.

Ask Nicely

During the appointment, present the materials you’ve gathered and make your case. It should sound like this:

[Dr. Meanie], I came here to ask you to reconsider my final grade for the course. As you can see, I missed several points on the first test of the semester, but I’ve been steadily improving since then. I’ve turned in all of my assignments on time, and I’ve only missed two lectures. I’ve learned so much about [Boring Subject] in your class, and I want my grade to reflect what I’ve learned. Is there any way I can convince you that I’ve earned [an A] instead of [a B plus]?

Focus on what you’ve learned and the things you’ve done right in the course. Under no circumstances say that it wasn’t your fault (even if it wasn’t) or that you deserve a grade because you’ve never gotten such a low grade before. Your instructor doesn’t owe you anything but what’s laid out in the syllabus. If he asks you to do something to make up the points, do it and be happy about it.

Readers: Have you ever had to negotiate a higher grade? What worked? What didn’t?

Summer Break

Things to do for Summer Break:

1. Work your buns off to pay for school
2. Take some classes
3. Work your buns off and take some classes
4. Read 50 novels to “enrich yourself”
5. Start a side business and lose some money
6. Sit by the pool with a piña colada

Just in case you needed some inspiration.

Stupid People Part 1

The Dallas Morning News recently covered a new, dreadfully exciting way to save money on groceries: making a list before you go. One woman touted the benefits; she now saves 15-20% of her grocery bill by making a list! (Shocker.)

Previously, she only wanted to “get in and get out.” For some unexplained reason, making a list would have prevented this. (No, I’m not sure why, either.) The article goes on to note that Mrs. Something organizes the list on her iPhone.

On. Her. i. Phone.

 Here’s a thought, lady: ditch the expensive phone. Then buy your damn expensive groceries. Dur.

Why You’re Not Productive

I read a couple of blogs that talk about productivity. I don’t like (m)any of them.

Here’s why you’re not productive: you’re reading this blog instead of doing something useful. Go!